This is quite profound. I only disagree with one point the whole “enjoying the unworthy” because it ends up starting a loop of passively engaging in brain rotting activities. I would reframe it as having hobbies which are good but not TOO engaging. Like reading well written substacks or books, or documentaries etc. I can shut my brain off but not completely, and also building familiarity with “useful” things. I am not vouching for being “hyper optimized” its just simply the philosophy of “if you are doing something, at least do something worthwhile”
like taking a walk. reading. documentaries. fishing. a simple jog. feed animals. etc.
I totally understand and back your point. For me, “brain rot” is the whole point in this because I do avoid it at all costs and sometimes I take it too far into the category of productivity that enjoying something simple every once in a blue moon makes me feel guilty. It’s all about balance and accountability
I just finished my law degree and realized that the point of burn out was really close this time. So I al trying to live a slower life rn. This article made me feel really connected. Thank you <3
Kylee, its like you are in my mind sometimes:) I hope you know that we are figuring this out together, vulnerability is power, and I deeply appreciate your ability to peel back the curtain. Thank you for writing. You make me a better writer, thinker and friend to myself. As a fellow oldest sibling and thought daughter, I needed to hear this today and you are so awesome:) Write soon!
I am currently trying to recover from burnout. But I am the person you have described here, which means my 'recovery' so far has been replacing what burnt me out with personal deadlines, list of activities, chores, and a packed calendar that has raised concerns in my loved one's eyes about all this being "relaxing". Thank you for writing this and giving me the much-needed perspective of not allowing my guilt to overpower my rest.
i really resonate with this. i learned recently that i often think just because i 'can' do something or have the capability to do it - i continue to do it even if it is detrimental to my physical or mental health. the solutions are really difficult to implement but i can confirm some of these do work. another thing i would add on would be to not treat everything as urgent. take a beat. move your body from the situation - whether it is a text that needs to be answered, or something else that can be done an hour later. force yourself to defer action. it is not about evading the task, but rather about allowing yourself to do it slowly, intentionally, and with more thought. not with a lens to optimise every second of your life. this can go a long way in repairing your relationship with rest and actual priorities.
Someone else already quoted this in the comments, but it really hits home: "We don’t burn out and then do nothing —we burn out and find different ways to keep going." Often, I feel like what I'm actually doing is avoiding discomfort. So long as I keep moving and keep doing, I am not alone with my own thoughts, with the ambiguities and the heartaches and the disappointments and the regrets and the not-enoughness.
We don’t burn out and then do nothing — we burn out and find different ways to keep going.’ That’s the truest sentence here, and it’s the one nobody warns you about. Swapping the task for a cozy hobby still counts as performing if there’s a scorekeeper in your head watching. Naming that scorekeeper is most of the work. This is a lovely, honest piece.
I truly love this post. I think I’be commented about the burnout society before but like it literally feels like you’ve read it based on what you’re saying. If you haven’t I think you’d enjoy Kylee. Keep in mind it talks about achievement the same way you’re already thinking about it so it won’t be revolutionary! Personally have been loving myself some guilt free House MD to detach and relax mindlessly
I have had to turn off my phone by 10 everyday and lay in silence which usually feels like punishment. I usually force myself to relax and keep the voice in my head quiet by pouring it out through journalling and talking to myself.
I agree that masked productivity is truly an enemy to all, and puts one on a fast track to burnout. However, every time I try to reduce the input I'm giving my brain, not have headphones on for once, go on a walk for no reason, read a book just because, etc- the action feels empty. Sure it feels good. But what does it give me? Temporary happiness? I know it's beneficial and allows my brain to relax and de-stress ... But it's hard to make the choice to relax when it feels like going against my instinct, it's hard to make the choice to relax when even during 'relaxment', my brain is seeking out some kind of reward. "Okay so we're doing this action, what do we get in the end?"
How can I make it easier for my brain to choose relaxation?
Like disha said, you have to keep doing it and fighting that emptiness. A lot of it is craving serotonin and that feel good response from productivity, so when we’re not getting that stimulation it can feel empty.
Like anything it takes practice, but trusting the process and knowing that it’ll help your body recover and get easier with time is worth the fight.
by convincing yourself that rest is mandatory. it is not optional. and rest is productive too. it allows your nervous system to reset and give you the energy to keep going. i suffer from the same thought process you mentioned so i can understand fully how hard this mindset shift can be but we really need to learn how to not judge ourselves for 'wasting' time.
Yess! It's like, everytime I chose "rest", it feels like I don't even focus on it, I'm just waiting for the next task and don't give it the deserved attention. Or worse, sometimes I think I end up turning my rest "moments" or hobbies into ANOTHER type of task instead of a natural choice.
This is quite profound. I only disagree with one point the whole “enjoying the unworthy” because it ends up starting a loop of passively engaging in brain rotting activities. I would reframe it as having hobbies which are good but not TOO engaging. Like reading well written substacks or books, or documentaries etc. I can shut my brain off but not completely, and also building familiarity with “useful” things. I am not vouching for being “hyper optimized” its just simply the philosophy of “if you are doing something, at least do something worthwhile”
like taking a walk. reading. documentaries. fishing. a simple jog. feed animals. etc.
I totally understand and back your point. For me, “brain rot” is the whole point in this because I do avoid it at all costs and sometimes I take it too far into the category of productivity that enjoying something simple every once in a blue moon makes me feel guilty. It’s all about balance and accountability
I just finished my law degree and realized that the point of burn out was really close this time. So I al trying to live a slower life rn. This article made me feel really connected. Thank you <3
First, congrats!! Second, I hope you take all the time to care for yourself that you can
Heey! I just finished my Substack on how to rest and restore backed with academic articles
Will be happy if you gave it a read!
https://tikhongostiukhin.substack.com/p/read-this-if-you-dont-know-how-to?r=6l2cs7&utm_medium=ios
Kylee, its like you are in my mind sometimes:) I hope you know that we are figuring this out together, vulnerability is power, and I deeply appreciate your ability to peel back the curtain. Thank you for writing. You make me a better writer, thinker and friend to myself. As a fellow oldest sibling and thought daughter, I needed to hear this today and you are so awesome:) Write soon!
🫶🏼🫶🏼 always happy to see eldest siblings and especially you relating to the feelings I write about
I am currently trying to recover from burnout. But I am the person you have described here, which means my 'recovery' so far has been replacing what burnt me out with personal deadlines, list of activities, chores, and a packed calendar that has raised concerns in my loved one's eyes about all this being "relaxing". Thank you for writing this and giving me the much-needed perspective of not allowing my guilt to overpower my rest.
It’s so hard to let go of that productivity when it’s everything and the only thing we know
Masked productivity is such a useful phrase here. Rest can look quiet from the outside while the mind is still trying to earn permission to stop.
Yes! Love that you pulled that because it really is the exact reason I wrote this
i really resonate with this. i learned recently that i often think just because i 'can' do something or have the capability to do it - i continue to do it even if it is detrimental to my physical or mental health. the solutions are really difficult to implement but i can confirm some of these do work. another thing i would add on would be to not treat everything as urgent. take a beat. move your body from the situation - whether it is a text that needs to be answered, or something else that can be done an hour later. force yourself to defer action. it is not about evading the task, but rather about allowing yourself to do it slowly, intentionally, and with more thought. not with a lens to optimise every second of your life. this can go a long way in repairing your relationship with rest and actual priorities.
Completely agree with it and definitely belongs in the list!!
Someone else already quoted this in the comments, but it really hits home: "We don’t burn out and then do nothing —we burn out and find different ways to keep going." Often, I feel like what I'm actually doing is avoiding discomfort. So long as I keep moving and keep doing, I am not alone with my own thoughts, with the ambiguities and the heartaches and the disappointments and the regrets and the not-enoughness.
This is everything 💕 it’s so hard to stop even when tired if it means we have to deal with the discomfort waiting
Agreed. As I think you said (in so many words), it takes practice to be able to tolerate it and then intention to be able to enjoy it.
We don’t burn out and then do nothing — we burn out and find different ways to keep going.’ That’s the truest sentence here, and it’s the one nobody warns you about. Swapping the task for a cozy hobby still counts as performing if there’s a scorekeeper in your head watching. Naming that scorekeeper is most of the work. This is a lovely, honest piece.
One of the toughest but most valuable things to learn and keep learning 💕
I truly love this post. I think I’be commented about the burnout society before but like it literally feels like you’ve read it based on what you’re saying. If you haven’t I think you’d enjoy Kylee. Keep in mind it talks about achievement the same way you’re already thinking about it so it won’t be revolutionary! Personally have been loving myself some guilt free House MD to detach and relax mindlessly
I think you have!! Thanks for the reminder. I’ll be checking it out
I have had to turn off my phone by 10 everyday and lay in silence which usually feels like punishment. I usually force myself to relax and keep the voice in my head quiet by pouring it out through journalling and talking to myself.
I do that 2 but in the middle of the day maybe i should start doing it before bed time
You and me both! I need to hour at least before bed to calm my brain and get all the thoughts out without the phone.
I love that you relate to this and shared it. Journaling can be so helpful for quieting the inner voice
I agree that masked productivity is truly an enemy to all, and puts one on a fast track to burnout. However, every time I try to reduce the input I'm giving my brain, not have headphones on for once, go on a walk for no reason, read a book just because, etc- the action feels empty. Sure it feels good. But what does it give me? Temporary happiness? I know it's beneficial and allows my brain to relax and de-stress ... But it's hard to make the choice to relax when it feels like going against my instinct, it's hard to make the choice to relax when even during 'relaxment', my brain is seeking out some kind of reward. "Okay so we're doing this action, what do we get in the end?"
How can I make it easier for my brain to choose relaxation?
Like disha said, you have to keep doing it and fighting that emptiness. A lot of it is craving serotonin and that feel good response from productivity, so when we’re not getting that stimulation it can feel empty.
Like anything it takes practice, but trusting the process and knowing that it’ll help your body recover and get easier with time is worth the fight.
by convincing yourself that rest is mandatory. it is not optional. and rest is productive too. it allows your nervous system to reset and give you the energy to keep going. i suffer from the same thought process you mentioned so i can understand fully how hard this mindset shift can be but we really need to learn how to not judge ourselves for 'wasting' time.
Yess! It's like, everytime I chose "rest", it feels like I don't even focus on it, I'm just waiting for the next task and don't give it the deserved attention. Or worse, sometimes I think I end up turning my rest "moments" or hobbies into ANOTHER type of task instead of a natural choice.