high-achiever's guide for actually relaxing

doing nothing is sometimes more productive than doing something

Productivity is ruining my life. And at what point did it become toxic?

My whole life has been driven my achieving and doing, which has gotten me so far, but at what point did I become more of a robot than a human.

I plan a weekend to relax, but I end up doing a million tasks instead. Because if I’m not using my time to achieve my goals then surely I am a waste of potential, no? The type of potential that would be wasted if I didn’t wake with an alarm daily because the voice in my head insists that the day is already half-wasted by 8am, and I have to get up and use it.

It’s obsessive and insane. But I have to do it.

To have built an entire identity out of grinding through it is just that. Working until my knuckles are raw and I don't notice, because noticing would mean stopping, and stopping was never really an option I gave myself — or anyone else gave to me. I've mistaken the ache in my shoulders for evidence I'm doing something right.

Look how much I cared, look how long I pushed through is what my shoulders cry out.

There's a version of me that has, and still sometimes does, genuinely believe her worth was measured in how much she could bear before she broke, and that breaking was still, somehow, preferable to stopping, and that working while broken was still the only option.

I think a lot of us, the high-achievers, eldest daughters, type-a individuals, are doing this and don’t know any other way.

It took a long time to convince myself that doing nothing is sometimes more productive than doing something.

But even that took me a while to actually understand, because I didn’t know how to do nothing. I’d sit down to rest and somehow still be doing. Scrolling pinterest while watching something or listening to a podcast, or picking up a new cozy hobby, or finishing a book because I had started it. I was still working. I’d just swapped the task for something that wasn’t technically work.

I think that’s the trap for people like us. We don’t burn out and then do nothing —we burn out and find different ways to keep going. I truly had to ask myself is this actually rest, or is it just masked productivity? Is my brain still working and still performing for someone — even if that someone is just the version of me keeping score?

Over time I’ve worked on actually resting in ways that were actually beneficial for my recovery and I want to share that to help other who might be fighting the same productivity culture and obsessions as me.

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a high-achiever’s guide to relaxing

- acknowledging instead of pushing past

I know I am someone who cannot relax if there’s dishes in the sink or unrelenting thoughts in my head, and that’s okay. It helps to let yourself sit with it first to give your nervous system time to regulate and your brain time to comprehend. I have to name what I'm carrying, otherwise it just sits there, compounding, waiting to surface at the worst possible moment. It's just a quick, honest check-in — what's actually stressing me out right now — so all the thoughts stops running in the background like a hundred open tabs. Once acknowledged, I can address it/make an action plan, and then it is easier to relax.

- stream of consciousness journaling

I will never stop talking about this, and it’s aligned with the above. It’s not the pretty, reflective kind of journaling where you're crafting something. Just get it all out of your head and onto the page, unfiltered, unedited. It's the closest thing I've found to hitting a reset button on a racing mind.

- put phone in another room

I am guilty of constantly multitasking — scrolling pinterest while also watching a show or listening to a book while completing a task — always feeding my brain with two inputs instead of one. Doing this feels productive and efficient, but you’re overstimulating your brain. Putting the phone away takes it out entirely, and chances are you don’t even think about it.

- know scrolling is not rest

On the same note, scrolling feels passive, which is exactly why it's so easy to mistake for rest. But your brain is still working — rapidly switching tasks and absorbing information, still being fed input after input after input. While you may be laying down or lounging physically, scrolling doesn’t give you the deep rest and relaxation your body and mind needs to recover.

- let yourself enjoy the "unworthy" stuff

I used to feel so guilty for enjoying a book that wasn’t intricately written or not analyzing deeply while reading, or for watching “trash” tv. The truth is though, sometimes you really do need those things to shut your brain off and mindlessly enjoy. I LOVE a cheesy romance when I want to read but can’t pick up a dense book, or an episode of Love Island when I simply just want to blank out and watch. Sometimes the point is just to turn your brain off for an hour.

- move your body without tracking

As a garmin girl, I live and breath by my garmin being attached to my wrist at all times. Sometimes though you really do need to move your body for your body and not for yourself. Walking helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, or rest-and-digest state, which promotes relaxation, lowers cortisol, and allows the body to recover from stress. As Savannah Sachdev says, out of your head and into your body.

- wear your comfiest clothes

The most relaxing thing sometimes is putting your body in what you feel most comfortable in. Sometimes it’s a matching pj set and sometimes it’s your best adam sandler-esc outfit or maybe it’s just your favorite robe. All that matters is that you feel comfortable in yourself and what you have on to let yourself relax.

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favorites for relaxing

- brick
- parke sweatshirt
- vuori halo shorts
- pura mini (& cardamom vanilla scent)
- weighted blanket
- auden pj set
- pillowfort weighted stuffed animal
- hanes loungewear set
- quince robe
- gap poplin pj pants
- leuchtturm1917 notebook

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